There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
my liver is dry heaving
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
