I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
