Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
