you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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