On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
