We're facebook friends in real life
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
