I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
