Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
