bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
