Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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