well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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