HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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