Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Randomize
