We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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