I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
