nut hugger
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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