I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
