I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
