how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize