i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Randomize
