I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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