no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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