I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
