I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
