I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
