so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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