Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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