It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
