nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
