bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
