So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
