He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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