you have to choose: penises or morals?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
