I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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