Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
