i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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