i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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