My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
