Pants 0. Shit 1.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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