I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
