If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
