look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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