is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
