remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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