well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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