i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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