So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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