Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
