I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Randomize
