i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
