filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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