Whoa Z and x make the same sound
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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