woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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