how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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