fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
