Acid is not a monday night drug
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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