I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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