Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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