I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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