And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
you never un-have a 4some
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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