I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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