It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
