I wish i was in the wii world.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
