Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
